You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize