I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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