But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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