I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
