i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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