id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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