I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
