do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
