I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
