i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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