I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize