So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
