your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
