Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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