sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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