My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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