What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
