Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
