I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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