I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
