we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize