he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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