This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize