dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
