If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
