he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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