Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
