We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you didnt know i had herpes?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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