apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize