I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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