That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
