I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
