So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
