And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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