my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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