I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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