Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize