We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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