What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
