i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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