you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
