new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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