her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
