I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
