I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
