The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
