I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
