Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
