did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize