I think im going to throw up on grandma
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
