"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
