New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
