He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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