were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
