im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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