she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
