i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
