I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
