I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
