I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
