she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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