I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
