what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize