he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
