when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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