who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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