I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
