i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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