hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
