Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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