did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
