You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
