just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
