He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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