The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
