She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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