I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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