Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
