If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
