At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
