Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
