Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
