I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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