I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
