(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
