He uses pillows to masturbate.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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