I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize