apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hippo gnu deer
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize