You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I could fuck to npr.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I touched a dick in church today
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