She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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