I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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