Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
farters have to be the big spoon...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize