Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
