i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
