There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
