If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Randomize
