I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize