Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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