I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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