just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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