The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
