Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
