So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
