i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
