i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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