Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
